Charlie's Peace Blog

There are many contradictions in these pages, mostly contradictions in space/time. For example; why did Charlie not die at birth? How did he go on for another 29 years? How can 4 generations of a family be alive at once, and dead matter persist for millions of years? It seems to me we have four options at this point; 1) Charlie's way. Good on you baby, maybe it would have been better if I had just let us drift away after the meconium aspiration, or if our ancestors had done the same after their own trauma. 2) Drift away. Wait for the oxygen to run out and keep busy and wait for physical trauma. This is the option I have chosen and it seems all the other remaining living beings too. It seems to be taking a very long time. As I wait, I share lessons learned on this blog. 3) Actively pursue peace. I've been working on this, but seem to be getting tons of pushback. 4) Resurrect Charlie's Time Machine, and go back before the Big Bang. Super hard, and he left no designs. So our o...

 Recently we lost our beloved Charlie. He dropped all his balls in the air, and restarted as a ghost. He was loved by all who ever met him and many who never did, but heard stories. He was that special. In this picture, we are in Tilden Park. He was two. Tutored primarily by his father, but raised by a village, he already spoke in full sentences, could navigate the world inside and out and constantly inquired "why?". As we exited the park, he inquired about the trailhead and we embarked on a great adventure in nature. As he grew, these themes of nature, love and genius persisted. We talked a lot about how the time travel machine is broken, so that all we can do is our best, and so that is what we did. Charlie, btw was voted most likely to invent a time travel machine in thee 8th grade. Recently, Charlie shared with me that he wanted to be there forever for his soulmate Carmela and her two beautiful children. He saw possibility where I saw none. I saw possibility where he saw ...

Trauma is cumulative. Our first significant trauma is being born. So we all have PTSD with all its horrific physical and emotional symptoms.  PTSD is not an injury that can be naturally healed like an external kind. Therefore we are all in deep trouble. Going to the hospital won't help. Let the first close call take you out. If you can't heal naturally, you can't heal.  Fall where you fall. And poof, your'e gone. My ring is FINALLY OFF! Cat helped me using a trick with a ribbon. Feeling more peaceful despite today's traumatic events which included cops with guns in my house threatening me. All feeding my PTSD.

 The pregnancy with Charlie went well, towards the end of the pregnancy I was instructed to count kicks after I ate. So, I would eat food, and then place my hand on my belly and count 40 kicks, or even just 10. Towards the very end of my pregnancy I was diagnosed with preeclampsia, and so I stayed home and watched the olympics. I wanted to have the baby so bad. I ate apricots to try to move it along. At the hospital I was having strong contractions, close together and they said I would have the baby that night.  I used the phrase "beach, beach, water, water, float, float" to calm myself and avoid drugs. At last, the baby broke through, with the 99th percentile head that ripped me to shreds. The baby was in trouble. He had severe meconium aspiration.  I kissed him on the forehead, and they whisked him away to the NICU. Had they not done that, he would have surely died that night. This is what I don't understand. How did he go on to live another 29 years? How did the body h...